This text theorises with the figure of the “office siren” which emerged from TikTok fashion trends in early 2024 and transformed into more nebulous formulations, like those of femme office workers conducting business from bodies of water. I explore how these short ambiguous videos relate not only to feminist performance art of the late 1970s and 1980s but also what they tell us about gender performativity online, corporate culture, and environmentalism.

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